The dating game
by MichaellaD
Summary: Jane and Lisbon find themselves in the back of an armoured van that's just been stolen. Can they work together to get out of this predicament alive? (CNC)
1. Jane and Lisbon get caught

**A/N: So it's another CNC! (If you have no clue what I'm talking about, go see my profile.)**

**This time I took the episode from Republic of Doyle, season 3 episode 6, The Dating Game. Don't worry if you've never heard of the show. It's Canadian, so only Canadians know about it. Fortunately all the episodes from the show are on Youtube so you can watch it if you want to.**

**The original show was set in St. John's, but the FBI's jurisdiction doesn't extend to Newfoundland, so I transplanted the plot to Austin. This is the only plot difference.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Mentalist or Republic of Doyle.**

**Now, as Jake Doyle would say: Let's get t'is show on t'road, eh b'yes?**

* * *

Jane and Lisbon had gone out to lunch at a (very romantic) chip truck. With a large order of chips each, they wandered down the street. Which direction? They didn't care. It was nice to be in each other's company, taking in the everyday sights and sounds. Then Jane stopped suddenly. Lisbon almost ran into him.

"What?" she asked in annoyance.

Jane was staring fixedly straight ahead. "Uh, I think we're witnessing a robbery..."

Lisbon followed his gaze. Two people in white monkey suits and black balaclavas were standing beside an armoured van. The taller one was hauling on the door without success. The shorter one dragged the first one out of the way and clicked the door open on the first try. The taller one stepped into the driver's seat.

"We've got to stop it!" Lisbon was already in full flight, having thrown her chips into Jane's arms. "Stop! Police!" She leapt up onto the running board. "Open the door!"

Jane dropped all the chips and followed her. He didn't have a clear idea in mind, just a hazy notion that he shouldn't let her confront gun-wielding robbers alone.

Lisbon dropped off the running board - she obviously wasn't going to get anywhere that way. The truck was already in motion when she ran around to the back. The smaller robber had almost shut the doors - but not quite. Lisbon threw them open and hauled him out, climbing in herself.

Jane stared in disbelief, then, with an athleticism he hadn't known he possessed, he threw himself into the back of the truck as well. The robber in the street, meanwhile, had come up with a gun, which he pointed at them. He squeezed off a couple rounds before Jane could haul the door shut. Jane fell back inside the truck, panting.

Lisbon surveyed him with amusement. "Fancy ourselves to be Superman, do we?"

"I've told you before, I'll follow wherever you lead." The truck swerved sharply. Jane lost his balance and banged into the wall. Lisbon crashed into his arms a moment later. He smiled at her. "And did I mention I'll catch you whenever you fall?"

She smacked his arm. "We're in the back of an armoured van, heading who-knows-where! This is not the time for cheesy lines!"

* * *

Abbott walked out of his office twenty minutes later. "Has anyone heard from Jane or Lisbon? I can't reach them."

Cho looked up. "It's not unusual for Jane to run off."

"Sure, but what about Lisbon? She always calls, even if she's just going to be two minutes late."

Wiley spoke up. "I heard them say they were going to Ziggy's for lunch."

"Ziggy's? What's that?"

"A chip truck, apparently. It's just down the road."

"Fischer. You go see if they're still there, and drag their butts back in here if they are."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

The truck shuddered to a halt. Lisbon peered through a tiny window in the side. "We're in some kind of warehouse. They'll be coming after us, and we already know they're armed."

There was a crash. "That's the driver getting out of the cab," Jane identified. "Come on. We need to get the jump on them." He headed for the door. Lisbon hauled him back.

"What are you doing? There could be a whole gang waiting for us out there!"

"I'm pretty sure there's just two of them, and you left one of them behind us on the road somewhere." A thought struck him, and he pulled his phone out of his pocket. "Great. No signal. Guess we'll have to figure this out by ourselves."

A percussive banging shook the truck.

"What's happening?" Jane yelled.

"Sounds like they're smashing at the lock with a crowbar," Lisbon shouted back.

The attack stopped for a moment. "_Come on out and I promise you won't get hurt! We just want one of the boxes!_" they heard the robber shout outside the truck.

"Of course! This is just a big misunderstanding, right?" Jane snorted. The crashing started up again.

Lisbon started examining the lockboxes stacked against the wall. "They're looking for something specific!"

They were yelling at each other from a distance of two feet just to be heard.

"Yeah!" Jane dug through a duffle bag. "Here's a key! I'm pretty sure it's to whatever they want!"

He pulled out the first box he saw and fit the key into it. It didn't turn. He grabbed the next one.

* * *

Fischer walked up to the man she assumed was named Ziggy, bypassing a long queue and earning herself some catcalls. She held up her badge. "I'm looking for a couple I think bought lunch here. Short, slim woman, about five-foot-two, almost black hair, green top, black pants, accompanied by a very handsome man with curly blond hair..."

"Yeah, yeah, sure. What about 'em? They in trouble?"

"No. I work with them. They're cops. Did you see where they went?"

"Yeah. They wandered down Freshwater."

"Thanks." Fischer stepped around the truck and spotted Lisbon's car immediately. She looked it over quickly but it didn't seem to be tampered with. Where had they gone?

She looked helplessly down Freshwater St. and did a double take. Local police were unspooling crime scene tape. She picked up her phone and dialled Abbott.

* * *

Jane was still trying the key in various lockboxes. He was fairly sure the banging could qualify as psychological torture.

"Would you give it a rest for two seconds please?" he roared. The banging stopped. "That's comforting. We've been kidnapped by polite robbers."

"Maybe they're Canadian."

Jane threw back his head and laughed out loud. Lisbon took advantage of his momentary distraction and stole the key from his hand.

"Hey!"

"Do you have any idea how boring it is to watch someone try a key in eighteen different locks?" She pulled a box off the shelf and set it in her lap.

Jane concentrated on the drama that was unfolding outside the truck. The smaller robber had apparently made his way to the warehouse, because there were two voices now.

"_You just left me on the side of the road? Are you an idiot?_"

"_Well, you knew where you were going! And stop calling me an idiot!_"

"One of them is a woman," said Jane. "They're fighting."

"Must be a couple," muttered Lisbon.

"So cynical!"

The woman's voice drifted through the bulletproof doors. "_I'll call you an idiot if I want to, you... you idiot!_"

"_You know that word messes with my confidence. I told you that before._"

"_Rggh! Okay. Just keep your cool. But we need to get them out, and NOW!_"

Lisbon put the key in the lock. It fit perfectly.

"Beginner's luck," Jane sulked. "I was going for that one next."

Lisbon pulled out a velvet cloth with diamond jewelry spread out over it.

"Aha!"

"You should try it on. You'd look gorgeous in it." He stood up and banged on the door of the van. "Hey! We found your diamonds!"

"Great plan!" Lisbon snapped. "Tell them we have what they want so they have an extra reason to kill us!"

Jane was looking over Lisbon's shoulder with wide eyes. Smoke had started pouring into the side of the truck. Outside, the robbers had taken a hose and linked the exhaust from the idling truck to a handy air vent on the side of the truck.

"Gas!" Jane choked. He grabbed Lisbon's discarded jacket and stuffed it into the opening.

Lisbon watched with worried eyes.

* * *

Abbott stormed through the bullpen. "Wiley! I want you to access every security camera in the block and find out what happened."

"Yes, sir," said Wiley, fingers flying.

Abbott turned to Cho, who was waiting impassively. "Jane and Lisbon disappeared off the face of the earth half a block away from the site of an armed robbery. I highly doubt that they_ aren't_ mixed up in it. I've got to get down there and tell local police that it's our case. They aren't buying it from Fischer. Keep me posted on whatever you find..."

There was a crow from Wiley. "Here!"

Abbott and Cho crowded around the monitor. A large white panel truck pulled away from the curb. The picture was grainy at best, but it was clear that the two figures climbing into the back were Jane and Lisbon.

There was complete silence.

"I'm not sure," said Wiley finally, "but I don't think that's abduction. It looks like they got in there of their own free will."

Abbott cursed, rather loudly. "Okay." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Do whatever you can to find out where they went. Cho, you stay here and help." Cho nodded.

Abbott pulled up beside the crime scene tape ten minutes later. Fischer was arguing with a fat bald cop who plainly had absolutely no seniority.

"It's just a robbery! That's _our_ jurisdiction!"

Abbott was in no mood to play nice. "There's two of our own in the back of that truck. We're taking over this case, and you have no say in the matter."

The cop glared at him before scuttling off. Abbott turned to Fischer. "Tell me exactly what happened here."

"I'll let you talk to the security guard. I haven't had the chance to yet."

A short black man sat on the back bumper of an ambulance, rubbing his neck. He looked up without interest as they approached.

"I'm Agent Abbott of the FBI, and this is Agent Fischer."

He nodded, held out his hand. "Kenny."

Abbott shook his hand briefly. "We'd like to ask you a few questions."

"Sure." He straightened his neck with a gruesome crack.

"Why was there an armoured van here in the first place?"

"I was moving some safety deposit boxes. I had a load of them on a dolly that I was taking to the truck when they knocked me out with a taser. Last thing I remember."

"Why were you moving the boxes?" asked Fischer. "Wouldn't they be safer inside?"

"Yeah, you'd think so, but there've been complaints about items going missing, and certain customers wanted their belongings moved. So we did, and I got tasered for the trouble."

"Can you remember anything at all about the robbers," asked Abbott. "The smallest detail may be helpful."

"It all happened so fast. I didn't see anything but a white blur out of the corner of my eye." He stood up and shrugged into his jacket. "Oh well, I'll live. That all?"

"Uh, yes. Thanks for your time."

Abbott sighed. He really hoped Wiley could come up with something.

* * *

The inside of the truck was heavy with smoke.

"We're just slowing it down," coughed Lisbon, "and not very much at that."

"We've got to get out of here, and I think I have an idea. You cover me while I run to the cab. Then I just crash the truck through the doors!"

"Are you out of your mind? No! I'll cover you while you _run and hide_ until I come get you."

Jane looked at her for a moment. "Fine." He was most absolutely not fine with it. There was no way in hell (assuming he believed in such a place) that he was going to let Lisbon take down two bad guys while he hid like a little child. He was going to stick with his original plan.

They took up a position by the doors and craned their ears. Hopefully they could determine where the robbers were standing.

"_This is starting to get out of hand,_" they heard the man say.

"_STARTING to get out of hand? Look, there is no going back now!_"

"_My arms hurt, and I'm sweaty..._"

"_Why do your arms hurt?_"

"_I don't know. I'm tired!_"

"_Oh, for the love of... Just a little longer. They'll give up soon_."

Jane threw open the door. Lisbon took aim just between them and fired. They scattered. Jane jumped down and headed for the cab.

Lisbon figured out what he was doing instantly. "Jane!" she yelled desperately.

The robbers had found their guns. They fired at her. Okay, she thought. I have to keep them from firing at Jane. Then, when we get out of this, I can shoot him myself!

She watched helplessly as one of the robbers slunk away behind some boxes. "Jane! Watch out!"

She heard more shots and a cry of pain. She couldn't tell whose they were. Then Jane appeared at her back and jumped back into the truck. She hauled the door shut on themselves once again. She could dimly hear the robbers arguing.

"_You idiot! We could have gotten in there!_"

"_No! That's it! Stop calling me an idiot! It tears me down. Tears me down!_"

Lisbon glared at Jane. She found herself unexpectedly sympathizing with the female robber. They both had useless partners. "That was not the plan!"

Jane was leaning on the side of the truck, fighting for breath. His left hand clutched his opposite shoulder. "They can't smoke us out anymore," he gasped, holding up the keys.

Lisbon's heart dropped like a stone. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He winced.

"What happened to your shoulder?" she asked with a sense of foreboding. Without waiting for an answer she yanked his hand away to reveal a slowly growing patch of blood. "You've been shot!" she pointed out, somewhat unnecessarily. She was trying very hard not to freak out...

She took refuge in anger. "Why would you get yourself shot?"

"Never have yet," he grimaced. "Wanted to know what it felt like."

"Don't be an..." She'd been about to say 'idiot', but then she remembered the robbers' arguments and she stopped herself. She guided Jane to a sitting position. Or rather, controlled his collapse. "We have to stop the bleeding." She looked around for a bandage she knew didn't exist. Shaking her head, she pulled off her shirt, exposing a lacy white undershirt.

Jane grinned weakly. "You caught me! _That's_ the reason I got shot."

"Not the time for it, Jane." She pushed the makeshirt bandage against his shoulder, hard. He gasped and slumped back against the wall. She picked up a roll of duct tape with her other hand and tore off a strip with her teeth in order to hold the shirt against the wound. If she wound the tape around his shoulder, she could probably create enough pressure to staunch the bleeding...

"Hold on, Jane." She tried to ignore his whimpers. It was necessary, she reminded herself. "Hold on," she repeated, as much for herself as for him.


	2. Jane and Lisbon and hospitals

The silence of the last half an hour was broken by a particularly unpleasant noise. Jane's head was lying in Lisbon's lap. He stiffened like a pointer. "What's that?"

Lisbon listened for a moment. Her shoulders slumped. "That's a blowtorch," she said quietly.

"Can they get through the doors?" he asked, already knowing and dreading the answer.

"Yes," she replied bluntly. He loved that about her. She never dulled the truth just to make him feel better.

He sat up. As nice as it was to have Lisbon running her fingers through his hair, he couldn't concentrate on coming up with a plan for getting them out of here while that was going on. He fought back a wave of nausea and looked anxiously at Lisbon to see if she had noticed.

No, she had been taking her gun out of its holster. "I've got one bullet left," she said grimly. "Not great when there's two of them."

Jane looked around. Absolutely no weapons nearby - no, wait... He picked up a can of blue spray paint. "I have a plan, but you've got to make that bullet count."

"What are you insinuating?" she snapped. "I can shoot as well if not better as anyone in the department. You should worry about if your plan will come off or not!"

Jane grinned painfully. Part One successfully accomplished. She'd shoot better flaming mad. Now, where was that duct tape...

* * *

"Tell me you've got something."

Wiley was concentrating so hard on his computer screen that he didn't even look up at his boss. "I'm trying to track them on security cameras. I've followed them about twenty blocks right now. I'll find them," he insisted with quiet determination.

"I've got the security tapes from the night deposit bank that was robbed, the Chinese restaurant next door, and the 7-11 across the street." Abbott handed them to Cho.

Fischer and Abbott gathered behind Cho's chair. He fed in the tape from the night depository first. Two figures clad in white monkey suits approached the camera and blacked it out with blue spray paint.

"No good." Cho grabbed the tape from the restaurant. They watched as the robbers hid behind the corner of the building and tasered the guard as he passed by.

"Wait a sec! Run that back. Yeah, go from there. Wait for it... Freeze frame. There. See that?" Fischer pointed at the screen, where the taser was six inches from the guard's neck.

"He flinched _before_ getting tasered!" said Abbott, slapping the table.

"He was in on it," Cho agreed. "And here's the last one."

The tape from the convenience store was useless. All the action was hidden behind the truck.

Abbott nodded at Cho. "Take Fischer. Go find..." He was interrupted by Wiley.

"I've got 'em! They're in a warehouse by the train museum."

"Great work Wiley. Cho! Fischer! You get over there, I'll phone local police for backup."

"On it." Cho grabbed his coat. Fischer was already halfway down the stairs.

* * *

"I'd say they're about a minute away from getting through that door." Lisbon was standing at the back of the truck, legs planted firmly on the ground, gun pointed at the doors.

Jane nodded. He templed his fingers in front of his forehead and closed his eyes.

"Get on with it Jane!"

He flexed his fingers and got a good grip on the handle. "Three... two... one..." he mouthed, then swung open the door.

Everything got a little confused at this point.

The robbers dropped the blowtorch. (Jane blessed the fact that they actually had the brainpower to turn if off before they did so.)

Lisbon shot out the paint can Jane had taped to the door of the truck, spraying and distracting the robbers long enough for Jane and Lisbon to jump out of the truck.

The man pointed his gun at Jane, who was diving for cover.

Lisbon knocked his hand up. He whipped her across the face with his gun, almost knocking her over.

He looked at her with wide eyes. "God! I'm so sorry!"

Jane gave a shout of rage and lunged back through no-man's-land toward Lisbon.

The woman took her gun and thumped him on the shoulder, effectively halting his wild career. She ran to the truck and grabbed the jewels. "We got it! Come on! Let's go!"

They took off. Lisbon knelt by Jane.

"Go after them! I'll be fine," he gasped.

"I'm not leaving you hurt like this." She sounded insulted that he would think that even for a moment.

Jane propped himself up on his elbow. "He hit you... I can't believe it..."

"Jane! I can take a hit with the best of them, so don't worry about me, okay?"

"Okay." He slumped in her arms, unconscious, just as the garage doors flew open, blinding them with the unexpected sunlight.

"Police! Get your hands up!"

* * *

Jane woke up in a hospital bed with his arm in a sling. The fact that Lisbon was sitting there beside him (wearing his jacket) made it seem more bearable, however.

He smiled at her. Only when she was around did he ever wake up smiling. He'd have to tell her that sometime. "Hey."

"Hey yourself. Sorry about the jacket. I had to wear something."

"You _should_ apologize. You look much better half naked." They had progressed far enough in their relationship that comments such as those (when no one else was around) no longer made her blush. "Although I will say you look far better in it than me." That time she did blush.

Abbott walked in, followed by Cho and Fischer. "Ah, you're up. Good."

"What progress has been made in the case?" asked Lisbon, standing up.

"It was an inside job. The security guard was in on it."

Jane sat up. "All right! Let's go talk to him!"

Lisbon pinned him to the bed by his good shoulder. "_We're_ going to talk to him, _you_ are staying right here, even if I have to tie you to the bed!"

He grinned up wolfishly at her. "Promise?"

Abbott tried not to smile as Lisbon turned scarlet. "You and I are going to visit the owner of the depository," he said, addressing her. "Maybe we'll turn up something useful. Oh, and I believe Fischer has a spare shirt for you."

Lisbon took it gratefully and turned to go.

"Hey! What about my jacket?" asked Jane.

Lisbon, furious, shrugged out of it and, with perfect aim, slung it onto his face. She grabbed the new shirt out of Fischer's hand and put it on as quickly as possible, trying to ignore the fact that she was standing in front of her boss (and co-workers) in a lacy undershirt. "When are we going?"

"Now." Abbott began to follow her out of the room. "Fischer. I want you and Cho to find Kenny and bring him in to interrogation."

Fischer nodded. Cho walked over to Jane. "I'd tell you you're a fool, but I'm pretty sure Lisbon already did."

"I'm lying here shot! Some semblance of sympathy would be nice."

"Fine." Cho looked down at him impassively. "I'm glad you're not dead."

"There! Was that so hard?"

Fischer rolled her eyes. "Come on. Let's go."

Jane kept the smile on his face until the door clicked shut. Then he sank down on the pillows, grimacing.

* * *

There was a blond man consulting with a repairman on how best to repair the security camera when Lisbon and Abbott arrived at the night depository.

"Roger DeVries?" asked Abbott, showing his badge.

"Yes, that's right. Anything I can help you with, officers?"

"I understand you own this place."

"Yes. With my wife, Barbara."

"We were wondering if you knew the whereabouts of one of your employees. Kenny Miller."

"Kenny? He left for the day. I really couldn't say where he is right now. Why?"

"We have reason to believe he was involved in the robbery."

"No way. Kenny? Most days he's not smart enough to put his socks on right." He chuckled to himself.

There was a crash behind him. Roger turned around. "No no no no!" he shouted at the hapless repairman, who was setting up a ladder. "Don't take it down now!"

Lisbon stared at the back of his neck. "Look!" she urged her boss under her breath. There was a splotch of blue paint just barely visible under his collar. "I'm pretty sure that's the paint that we sprayed on the robbers!"

Roger turned back to face them. "Anything else?"

"Ah - yes. How'd you get that paint on your neck?" asked Lisbon smoothly.

"I-It's not what it looks like," stammered Roger.

"Oh, so you _didn't_ rob your own security company." Abbott was at his most sarcastic.

"No, we did... But we had a good reason. A very, very good reason."

"_We_ being you and your wife?"

Roger looked stricken at his slip of the tongue.

"Turn around and put your hands behind your hand," ordered Lisbon.

Roger was becoming hysterical. "No! You don't understand! I had to do it! We needed the money for our child!"

* * *

Cho and Fischer took up position outside Kenny's apartment door. Cho banged on the door with his open hand. "FBI! Open the door."

No answer. Cho nodded at Fischer, who reared back and kicked down the door. They entered the room, guns drawn. "FBI! Get your hands up!"

Lying on the couch, fast asleep, was Kenny.

"Uh, excuse me," said Fischer, unsure how to proceed. This was definitely not the sort of situation covered in the FBI handbook. "Wake up!"

Kenny snorted and blinked his eyes rapidly, trying to focus on them. Realization dawned. "Uh-oh."

Cho took over. "Where's the jewelry?"

Kenny shook his head back and forth slowly, looking indescribably sad. "Does it matter? Nothing matters. You don't understand. We had this thing, we had this plan... had to do with love... You know the name of that song, right? What's the name of that song..."

"Just answer the question, please," Cho interrupted, still training his gun on him.

"Sorry, sorry." He furrowed his brow in deep concentration. "What was the question again?"

"The jewelry," snapped Fischer, losing her patience. "Where is it?"

"Barbara took it. Took the jewelry, and everything." His face contorted horribly, and he burst into tears.

* * *

Lisbon was frog-marching Roger to interrogation when she noticed the thing on Jane's couch. She stopped so suddenly that Roger just about walked his feet out from under himself.

She narrowed her eyes. The thing on the couch was definitely not supposed to be there. She watched in horror as the thing yawned, streched, and sat up. "Hey, Lisbon," it said.

"What are you doing here?"

"The hospital released me."

"In a pig's eye they released you!"

Jane smiled, knowing that she couldn't do a thing about him as long as she had Roger to take care of. "So this is one of the robbers."

Lisbon was furious, mostly to hide her worry. He was badly hurt, and he wasn't caring for himself. She insisted that there was no way he was going to follow her to interrogation (as he walked two steps behind her).

No, she asserted, he could not simply watch at the window (as they arrived in front of the two-way glass).

She was certainly not going to let him assist in the interview! she expostulated (as he walked in and sat down beside her).

"I already know you're stupid," said Jane rudely to Roger, "but this job is pretty impressive, even for you."

Lisbon glared at Jane. How dare he effortlessly take over_ her_ interrogation like that?

"I know it sounds weird, but you've got to understand," Roger tried to explain.

"Understand?" repeated Lisbon, not believing her ears. "You and your wife pulled a heist. Held two FBI agents hostage."

"Yeah, but it was for the right reasons! It was for my child's future!"

Lisbon shot him a deprecating look. "You don't have a child. There's no record of a birth certificate, no record of an adoption - there isn't even a name."

"Dirk if it's a boy, a-a-and Jasmine if it's a girl."

"Your wife's pregnant?" Jane was stunned.

Lisbon glanced over at him, not even bothering to hide the smugness she was feeling. Jane had finally overlooked something...

"No. Not yet. But that's why we needed the money!"

Lisbon glared at him. They were wandering in conversational circles and getting absolutely nowhere. At least _Jane_ was enjoying himself. His smile could have blinded the sun.

"Go on," he was saying.

"Barbara - my wife - she's wanted a baby for a long, long time. But I have some problems in that area, so..."

Jane nodded understandingly.

"Not that it makes me any less of a man," he added. "But-but I need some help, and it's expensive."

"And robbing an armoured van was the first thing you thought of."

"Well, we had to, because Barbara was running out of time! She felt like it was her last chance, and we needed money _fast_! So..."

"So you robbed an armoured van," Lisbon interrupted, feeling the need to clarify that point once again.

"I couldn't just open the box and walk out. I'd get caught," he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "So we cut Kenny in on it, but now he thinks we're going to cut him out of his share and he took Babs and..." He put his head in his hands. "You've got to get my wife back," he implored them.

As soon as they were safely out of the room Lisbon turned to Jane. "Did you ever hear such a load of tripe? You have to give him credit for at least coming up with an originally stupid story."

"Well, it's not his story. He believes anything his wife tells him. He really thinks that heist was so his wife could get in-vitro fertilization." Jane closed his eyes and leaned on the two-way glass.

"Jane," said Lisbon warningly, "how are you feeling?" Without giving him a chance to answer, she stepped forward and pulled open his jacket, revealing the now-familliar stain of blood on his shirt. "You are going back to the hospital, and I'm going to escort you personally!"

"Oh, that's not necessary."

She glared at him. "If you die, I'll shoot you. Come on."

* * *

Jane woke from a restless nap. He moved to stretch and heard something jingle. Oh. Right. Lisbon had handcuffed him to the bed.

"Hey, Jane." Wiley poked his head in the doorway. "How you feeling?"

"Great, great. What are you doing here?"

"Abbott asked me to come by. Said I could bring my laptop and work from here. Hope you don't mind."

"No, not at all. Love the company." Jane's grin widened. Abbott really should have picked a better guard dog.


	3. Jane and Lisbon find it was all for love

"How does Barbara have the jewelry?" Cho glanced up from his notes at Kenny, who was sitting across the interrogation room table in his bathrobe. It was a gaudy yellow, which made a horrid contrast on his dark skin.

"Okay. So I bring Barbara back to my place, and I'm freaking out becuase I've got a lot of money in jewelry..."

"250 000$'s worth," Fischer clarified.

He poined his finger at her. "Right. And like, the most beautiful woman in the world."

Fischer leaned forward. "So you and Barbara were...?"

"Yeah, we were seeing each. But, like, on the down low on account of her husband. But then Barbara wakes up and she figures hey! she wants to be with me full time, but she can't _here_. But if we had the money to start a new life..." He looked knowingly at Cho.

He looked up impassively. "So you came up with a plan to rob and armoured van and put the blame on Roger."

"Right. But she tells Roger she needs the cash for making babies, or whatever, but in truth, she wants to dough so that she can run away with me! You can see, I'm just the innocent victim here." His face scrunched up again.

Fischer stood up hastily. She did _not_ want to deal with him crying again. "I'm pretty sure we can find something to charge you with." She turned to exit, Cho right behind her.

"Wa-wa-wait! Wait. I'll totally flip. Freedom for information. Deal?"

Fischer sat back down. "We'll see about the deal. Do you know where Barbara is?"

"No idea... But as you can see, it's not my fault! If all of that stuff hadn't gone missing, from the deposit box place, we wouldn't have been moving anything!"

"There were other robberies?" asked Cho imperturbably.

"Oh, a couple people complained... Dead people mostly. Their families, like when they came with the will to collect their inheritance?"

"Who was doing it?"

Kenny looked at Cho as if he should have guessed. "Roger was using his key to steal from the security boxes when the owners died, to build his 'babymaking' fund."

Fischer looked hard at the dark-skinned man. "Where'd he hide the rest of the money?"

He sat back smugly. "Well, I'll tell you where, if you like, you know, give me the deal."

Fischer looked over at Cho. "Fine."

* * *

Fischer and Cho were sitting in their car at the same abandoned parking lot where Roger had gotten caught.

"Do you really think she'll come back for the money?"

"She's stupid enough," replied Cho, not looking up from his copy of _Our Mutual Friend_.

"Yeah, you're right!" said Fischer, sitting up. "There she is!"

Barbara was jimmying open the trunk of a beat-up Toyota Corolla with a crowbar as the agents walked up.

"Stay where you are! Or I'll shoot."

She pulled the bag of loot closer to her chest.

"Let go of the bag and step away from the car."

She picked up the bag and took two steps towards the woods. Fischer shot in the air. "Last chance."

Barbara stopped, dropped the bag, and slowly turned around.

"Not a move. Stay where you are."

"No! You can't arrest me. You can't. I'm pregnant!" She smiled hesitantly.

* * *

Lisbon was watching Barbara's interrogation through the two-way glass when someone wrapped their arms around her waist and pulled her to them. She reacted instinctively, digging her elbow into their stomach.

"Ow!"

"Jane! What are you doing here?"

"Getting beat up by you."

"Well, don't sneak up on me like that! And you know I mean what are you doing out of the hospital."

"They needed beds, so they kicked me out. I just need rest, not hospital care." Seeing her look of scepticism, he added: "Call Abbott."

Unconvinced, Lisbon turned back to the window.

"What's the progress in the case?"

"Kenny says the heist was so that he and Barbara could start a new life. Apparently they were having an affair."

"Interesting."

Lisbon glanced over at him. "What? Did you know that?"

"Sure. It was obvious to anyone that they were having an affair."

"You're supposed to say these things!"

"I was trying to, but you kept packing me off to the hospital. I was starting to get the feeling you didn't want me around."

Lisbon gave a sigh of exasperation and turned away, ignoring him. Next thing she knew, he was walking into interrogation and kicking out Fischer. "Jane!" she called uselessly. She stood there, fuming, as Fischer came out and stood beside her.

"Oh, hey. I didn't know Jane was out of the hospital."

"He's not."

"Oh."

Inside, Cho let Jane take over. "Barbara, Roger's infertile. We all know the baby is Kenny's. Now, we know what Roger says and we know what Kenny says. Why don't you tell us the real story?"

She looked down at the table. "Roger and I had been trying for over a year with _no_ success, and after a while it, you know, started to be more like work than..." she trailed off.

"What it should be," finished Cho. Jane turned and looked at him in delighted surprise.

Outside, Lisbon and Fischer stared at each other, mouths agape.

"Yeah," Barbara continued, "and then Kenny came along. And he was fun, and one thing led to another..."

Jane nodded understandingly. "So of course to get your mind off having sex with Roger, you started having sex with Kenny. _That_ definitely makes sense."

"And the next thing I knew, I was pregnant. I didn't know what to do, so I panicked and came up with this _stupid_ idea to rob an armoured van."

"Right. So walk me through the thought process here." Jane put on the look of a weary college professor.

"I thought that if I could get enough money for the in-vitro fertilization treatment, then I could trick Roger into thinking that the baby was his. But I had to do it quickly because I'd start showing too soon."

Cho had an actual look of surprise on his features. "You thought you could trick _Roger_ into thinking that _Kenny_'s baby was his? You do realize that Roger is white and Kenny is black."

"Well, I have a fifty-fifty shot, right?" She looked across desperately at Jane and Cho. "I don't know what I was thinking!"

Cho had regained his usual deadpan look. "You weren't," he assured her flatly.

"What's gonna happen to my baby?" Her voice broke.

They were leading away Roger just as Barbara was let out of interrogation. He broke out of the officer's grasp and turned back to his wife. "Barbara! Tell me it's not true. Tell me you didn't lie to me."

"I'm sorry. I didn't want you to hate me." Her lower lip trembled.

"No, I love you! And I'll love your baby too, even if it's not mine."

They hugged briefly before getting pulled apart. Jane reached out and folded Lisbon's hand in his softly.

Abbott walked up. "Jane. I just got a call from the hospital saying that Wiley is handcuffed to your hospital bed?"

"Wow. I wonder how that happened."

"Nice try. You're going back to the hospital even if I have to knock you out to keep you there."

"Oh that's not fair! I feel perfectly fine!" Jane threw up his good arm to emphasize this and slowly toppled over backwards before Lisbon could catch him.

She knelt down beside him, verifying that he indeed wasn't faking it. "Darn it."

* * *

"All right, everything checks out, but no more disappearing acts." The nurse waggled her finger at her recalcitrant patient. "I'm coming back with a shot that'll keep you here 'til next Thursday." Abbott stepped back to let her walk out.

"Barbara and Roger copped to everything, in exchange for Roger being able to see the baby when it's born," he said.

Jane smiled at Lisbon, sitting beside him with her hand in his. "People will do anything for those they love."

Abbott smiled. "I don't ever want to hear that you've climbed into a highjacked vehicke again. Either of you."

"Yes sir."

"Sure, Dennis."

Lisbon stood up to leave.

"Hey! Where're you going?"

She looked at Jane as if he were nuts. "Home. I haven't had a shower since seven o'clock this morning and I feel disgusting. Plus, there is no way I'm sleeping in that instrument of torture." She indicated the plastic chair she'd just vacated.

"What happened to 'doing anything for those we love'?"

"If I remember correctly, _you_ were the one who said that, and anyway my love doesn't extend to spending a night in the hospital listening to you snore."

"I don't snore!"

"Yes you do. You're asleep when it happens, so you don't know you're doing it."

Abbott stepped out, shaking his head. He had serious doubts that Lisbon was going to get out of there in until the drugs kicked in.

Cho and Fischer were standing in the hallway. Fischer was grinning her head off at him.

"I heard Barbara's interrogation. 'How it should be?' You sounded like a lovesick teenager."

Cho shrugged. "It was appropriate." He looked at Abbott. "So, we can go without worrying about him setting fire to the place?"

"Yeah, Lisbon's gonna stay with him."

Cho nodded and walked down the hallway to the exit. Abbott noticed, with some amusement, Fischer staring after him bemusedly. "Come on, let's go. It's late."

Fischer shook herself out of it and looked up at him. "Oh, right. Good night." She gave one last lingering glance at Cho before walking out to her car.

* * *

**A/N: I'm not sure yet if I'm cheering for Cho and Fischer so I decided to leave it open. **

**If you liked this story go check out to actual episode at youtube com/watch?v=9vVB1bSJy1A**


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